Reality Check

I tried, I really did. I swore a mighty oath, in a genteel, refined sort of way, of course, that I would not mention, in this column, the untimely and unfortunate death of a former Playboy centrefold model. It seemed to me to be a sad and unnecessary tale that needed no further comment.

But then, jumping Jehoshaphat!, I turn to the CNN network and find that it has edged the President of Iran, the war in Iraq and the travails of Tony Blair and George Bush, right off the front page. ‘Breaking Story,’ with suitable exclamation marks, runs the banner headline. And not only on CNN but on every front page and television newscast that I could find, the tawdry tale was repeated. Even the respected Ulaanbaatar Evening Yak from Mongolia probably ran it, although my copy does not arrive for a few days.

Anna Nicole Smith, - there, now I’ve said it – otherwise you would never have guessed who I was referring to, - was to be pitied more than pilloried.

With hardly the best start in life, when she was earning a crust of bread by shaking her ‘you know whats’ in a strip joint in Houston, finding one hundred dollar bills being stuffed into her G-String as opposed to the more regular singles, often Canadian, it was not surprising that she should have taken notice.

And, as they say, the rest is history.

But viewing the incredible interest of the media and, presumably, a large percentage of the public, in her unhappy life, leads me to believe that the world has gone off its collective rocker.

CNN ran a series of E-Mails received from adoring fans lamenting her demise. Now I have been fortunate inasmuch as I was never subjected to any of her few movies nor to her TV show, but I am prepared to accept the evidence of those who were, that these were all, without exception, Grade A, gold plated stinkers.

In her favour, it is clear that she was kind to animals and to octogenarian billionaires, but surely this is hardly sufficient to warrant so much interest?

Her pneumatically upholstered frame, which must have caused Hugh Hefner to provide some additional support for the centrefold page, was not much different from any of the many would-be stars that grace the pages of that distinguished publication.

The early death of anyone, in any walk of life, is a sad event but hardly ‘breaking news.’ So now perhaps we can get back to reality.

In the light of this, I have given my children fair warning that, if I should become an octogenarian billionaire, they would do well to keep me away from any strip joints. But surely, they won’t deny me that one last fling?