Down the Tube

If the new mayor of London does nothing more, he will have earned my gratitude by banning booze on London’s transport system.
But the enthralling question is: why did it take so long for someone to see this as a problem?
Perhaps the answer can be found in the ‘celebrity news’ columns of the tabloid newspapers where, on a daily basis, there are pictures of nonentities stumbling out of night clubs, drunk or drugged or involved in other embarrassing escapades.
“Too much tipple almost topples Kelly Osbourne after a wild night out” and
“The trouble with Peaches and why I fear she'll end up like her mother Paula Yates,” are but two of the headlines in one tabloid this morning – and this is before we get to the pictures of Amy Winehouse which much surely be enough to put anybody off their morning cornflakes.
So getting drunk and taking drugs is in fashion, encouraged by the media of the masses. And not surprisingly, many young people see nothing wrong in this and find no reason not to emulate them.
I must say, Pete Doherty looked remarkably chipper and almost civilised on release from jail the other day. Wormwood Scrubs must suit him and perhaps a longer stay should be arranged. It’s a pity that Mr. Johnson’s admirable incentive will be proscribed by a lack of suitable accommodation for infringers.
Last time I rode on a late night tube train, I reckoned that half of my fellow travellers would have been better off sobering up after a night in the local cop shop.
Why Anglo-Saxons feel this need to deprive themselves of their senses on a regular basis is a mystery to most Continentals. We’re not without our fair share of alcoholics, of course, but public drunks are carefully tended by the Gendarmerie here in France, long noted for their tenderness and compassion when it comes to dealing with malefactors. They have a deep rooted and highly effective system for discouraging repeat offenders.
And, as far as I’m aware, unlike the British police who have The Independent Police Complaints Commission to face the moment they take any positive action, the Gendarmes merely retire to their nearest post for a quick Gauloise having dealt with the situation – no questions asked.
But the good news is that finally the elaborate CCTV system that monitors Britons throughout their daily lives has finally produced a positive result.
No, silly, it did not prevent any crime being perpetrated, but it did lead the owners of a lost cat to find their pet.
So all those millions of pounds invested in the system have finally paid off.