Friday, August 15, 2008

A Giant Leap for Mankind

Britain has a long and proud history of innovation and invention. From these small islands have come developments that have changed the world.
From Penicillin to the cavity magnetron, now in every micro-wave, to nuclear power to the railway, even if the latter seems to be running on the wrong lines at the moment, Britain has led the way.
And now, after years of trial, error and disappointment, they have achieved yet another breakthrough for man (and, of course, women) with what must be regarded as the Holy Grail of educational achievement.
I refer, of course, to the unfailable exam, the A level.
The potential of this development is almost unlimited, once the idea catches on. Babies can receive their qualification at birth and, instead of taking a miserable gap year in which to goof off, they will be able to spread themselves over four or five. And once the Driver’s Licence people cotton on to the idea, the saving on L plates will be enormous.
The system has not, however, yet attained perfection. Out of sheer wilfullness, obduracy or an unpatriotic desire to sabotage the government, there are still three per cent who succeed in failing.
In addition, regrettably, there are degrees of unfailure. These tend to lie amongst that notorious class of subversives; those who refuse to take government approved subjects such as meeja studies and hairdressing, and perversely insist on attempting the old fashioned topics of science, mathematics, languages and English. I understand a quango is being formed to deal with the matter since the future of government would hang in the balance should such intelligentsia be allowed to flourish.
No doubt the newspapers will be disappointed. There’s not much point in showing pictures of joyful teenagers getting their exam results when they’re pretty much a foregone conclusion.
Perhaps a shot or two of the three per cent who fail might work.


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