Thursday, October 09, 2008

I'm Banking on It

It’s time, I feel, for a career change. Not that I am the least bit unhappy in my chosen profession but, on viewing the salaries and bonuses that seems to be the lot of others, I can see that I’m missing out badly.
After all, how often have you heard of a government bailing out an impoverished writer? Not often, I suspect, even though they may have the finest collection of rejection slips known to man.
So I am searching for another means of earning my daily bread. I’ve had one or two other professions and this time I am looking for one that does not have too much accountability. For example, I was an airline pilot, a job that, in the event of you making a serious error, can leave a large hole in the ground and a number of law suits. Much the same applies to bus drivers, train drivers and all those whose daily work demands a degree of competence.
My search has whittled down to the only profession where there is a large reward for failure and little accountability.
I shall become a banker.
Uncertain though I am on how to enter into the industry, I reason that, given the obvious incompetence of those at the top, it can’t be all that hard. Especially now that the rules of the business seem to have been changed.
Formerly a banker was charged with the safekeeping of other people’s monies, which he was then entitled to invest safely and securely to generate a modest profit for himself and his depositor.
Now of course, the money can be used in any frivolous fashion for huge salaries and bonuses to those who act rather more as though they are betting on the 3.30 at Newmarket.
And when it all comes tumbling down, now the government can be relied upon to use taxpayer’s cash to pay you off and provide a nice little pension.
So banking it is.
But hang on a minute.
I’ve just read that an Afghan refugee can get £170,000 worth of benefits per year from the British government without having to lift a finger.
That must be even better than banking.
Wonder what an Afghan passport costs on the street?