Plane Speaking

There's going to be quite enough hand wringing over the predictable fiasco at Heathrow's Terminal Five for me not to bother with it. Except to say that one can hardly expect a Spanish operator of shopping malls to have much idea of how to run an airport. And to add that, although the excuse has been that all new airports suffering from teething troubles, this is not a new airport, merely a new terminal.
Since I am fortunate that I rarely have occasion to transit through LHR my greater concern is the news that mobile phones, that bane and boon of modern living, will be allowed to be used on aircraft in flight.
“Hello, yes, it's me. I'm on the plane. No plane, dear. I was on the train last time I called you. Yes, it only took and hour and a half to go through security so I had plenty of time to go round the shops. Just as well as they took my shampoo from me and I had to buy some more – I suppose the stuff they sell here doesn't explode or something.
Yes, it's been a good flight and a charming young man sold me a scratch card so I might win a million euros – or was it a subscription to a mobile phone company? It was hard to understand him as he comes from somewhere in the middle of Europe and his English is not so good.
I think we must be coming into land as I see the houses are getting bigger. Yes, we are. That nice young man has got quite excited about it and is running up and down the aisle. He's so excited that he's forgotten his English and is shouting 'Brace, Brace.' I expect that's Polish for 'we are landing soon' so I better get off.
I'll call you as soon as I'm in the terminal.”
But no doubt the more enterprising carriers will be offering mobile free seats – for a surcharge, of course.