Friday, November 02, 2007

Financial Freedom - at last!

The last few days I've been a bit lax in putting pen to paper or digit to keyboard. After a week away, I returned to find my E-Mail in-box bursting at the seams. Much of it was the inevitable Spam but there was also a large amount of really good news that I must share with you.
It seems inevitable that I shall become independently wealthy very shortly or, as many websites put it, achieve financial freedom. Hence my reluctance to waste my time writing stuff which until now has been my main source of income.
I have received a confidential mail from HON. CHIEF OJO MADUEKWE, Minister of Foreign Affairs. He doesn't actually say which country he is the foreign affairs minister of but I'm sure he knows. Although he asked me to keep it quiet I'm sure I can rely upon your discretion when I say that he is about to deposit $5 million into my account once I give him the details.
Then there's Mr. Alexandro Benjamino Solarino the Chief Auditor Department of Mineral Resources FALKLAND ISLAND SOUTH ATLANTIC.
He writes: “I will be grateful to have you as my foreign partner to enable us carry out a deal of Eight million two hundred thousand Great Britain Pounds (£8,200,000.00)” and promises me 40 % of the deal.
Mrs. Ing Chuny Liu of the International Lotto writes to tell me that I have won a Toyota Car plus $2,500,000 in cash and I don't even have to produce the ticket which is just as well as I don't recall buying one.
My fame is obviously wide spread since Mr.Tang Chang, Chief accountant and credit officer of the Bank of East Asia, Hong Kong needs me to help him with the account of the late Mrs. Nina Wang, promising me 40% of the $16 million she left rather carelessly in her account when she died.
So you see my days as a struggling writer are over, for this is just a modest selection of the largesse shortly coming my way for minimal effort on my part.
Lest you should think that I don't look to my future, this is equally well provided for since I have been offered the chance to participate in a number of reverse pension plans.
This radical idea means that I don't have to wait years to collect. For a modest $45 or so, the company dishes out $50,000 or so almost immediately. Mind you, none of them have done so yet due to a number of irritating hiccups but I'm sure they mean well.
I feel that P.T. Barnum may have seriously over estimated the intelligence of man.
But meanwhile, I've reserved slip 467 in the La Napoule Marina just outside Cannes and I'll let you know when my yacht is safely moored there.

For those who enjoy baiting the scammers, Brad Christensen has got a lot of mileage by responding to their letters with hilarious results. Read them at


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