Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Stressed Out

The British have a long history of brilliant inventions and discoveries. The steam engine, nuclear physics and penicillin for example.
But this time I believe they have surpassed themselves and set a trend that will reverberate around the world. For they have succeeded in producing what has been the Holy Grail for researchers throughout the years.
I refer, of course, to the stressless examination. Why nobody has stumbled across this before is a moot point. I suppose they were all too busy swotting up for the next bit of stress and didn't see the obvious.
Now, thanks to a decision no doubt made by a quango of some sort (for years I thought a quango was an Australian marsupial), it is possible to obtain a language qualification without having to prove one's ability to speak the language. Better still, it is no longer necessary to go through the agony of having to write anything, which gets over the difficulty posed by those pesky French and Germans of littering their language with accents, grave, acute and circumflex to say nothing of umlauts. All you need do is tick the boxes and go and collect your diploma. Brilliant!
The future ramifications of this are enormous and virtually unlimited.
Bus drivers, train drivers and airline pilots will no longer have to be exposed to the stress of having to prove their ability by a practical test. Ticking boxes is a much more restful procedure.
Doctors will no longer have to waste so much time walking the hospitals to prepare for their qualifications. A quick brush-up on the major diseases in the Encyclopaedia Britannica should suffice to get the right boxes ticked.
And similar principles can be applied to all professions where, until now, the rigours of an examination has proved to be a stumbling block.
However, looking at the state of affairs amongst the Ministers of Her Majesty's government and Members of Parliament, there may be grounds for imposing a rather more testing experience.
A practical examination as to whether or not they can differentiate between their own money and that of the taxpayer might well be advisable as there seems to be some confusion in the minds of some.
This might prove to be rather more stressfull than just ticking boxes. But I am sure they will find an easy solution.


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